Now I know that I’ll catch a lot of flak for this one no matter which side I take, so just know this is purely written from my own experiences. I’ve made a lot of good decisions throughout my martial arts journey, and I’ve made a lot of bad ones. Deciding to compete even though I hated the idea = good. Training hungover = bad. The decisions that aren’t so clear are my decisions to date in the gym.
I have a lot of teammates who throw around the phrase “you don’t sh*t where you eat,” or some variation of that. BUT… Those teammates? Normally happily-attached to a significant other, whether that significant other trains or not. It’s easy for them to say, “Don’t bring dating into the gym,” since they are all set.
It’s HARD to date outside of the gym if you train regularly. I’ve tried, believe me. A super nice fellow will offer dinner and drinks. The thoughts that run through MY head? Um, I don’t want to miss no-gi class, so maybe Thursday. No, no, Thursday we’re learning the counter to last week’s attack. Saturday? But I don’t want to miss open mat!!! Ok Sunday. Sunday it is. If I feel up to it after training all week…”
It’s nearly impossible to get into a healthy dating groove without forcing myself to take some time off. So, I have tried the teammate dating thing. I’ve dated instructors, and I’ve dated guys who are serious about training, and I’ve dated guys who just stuck around long enough for me to hope that we could be one of those rare mat couples, only to have them quit after a month or two.
The pros?
Well, duh. Training is fun, dating is fun. Combined? AWESOME. I tend to roughhouse anyway (I’m like that annoying second grader who pokes the boy she likes with a pencil to show a crush), so to get to roughhouse with someone who knows how to roughhouse back? Yay! There’s also something different about training with someone you are seeing off the mats. There is an increased level of comfort and trust, so (at least for me) rolling becomes more experimental, and you can push yourself a little harder and beyond what you’d normally be able to do.
Another pro is obviously you don’t have to sacrifice training time for social time. It’s a lot of fun to go train in the gym- whether you work with each other or other partners- and then come home and crash together. Your partner will understand why you can’t go out the night before an important tournament, or why you are watching what you eat.
Obviously the biggest pro is having an on-demand training partner. Feel like drilling the move you learned that night? Well, call up the man friend (or woman friend) and practice away, then sit back together after and relax.
The cons, wah wahhh…
Well. Of course it’s not all puppies and rainbows when you choose to “bring dating into the gym.” Some people outright disapprove. I personally keep it VERY on the DL if I’m dating a training partner. No special attention, no extra long rolls, no flirting, etc. Because it makes some people very uncomfortable.
Also, we spend so much time fighting to be seen as equals in the gym, I honestly think it’s detrimental if I DO make a show of our upgraded relationship. I want everyone to know 100% that I am in the gym to train, not to meet the future mister. If you start making positions into sex jokes in the gym, the wrong person can overhear and then feel uncomfortable next time he/she winds up in that spot with you. So in that sense, yes I do think it’s important to leave your dating life outside the gym. Heck, be all sorts of sexy at home with positions- it’s a pro I neglected to discuss (aka purposely avoided), it’s fun and a great way to keep things interesting. Just don’t do it in the gym.
And then obviously the biggest con… The break up. No matter what happens, there might be some awkwardness. If you can’t agree to act like adults, things can and will get messy. I have been lucky- I still train with everyone I’ve dated and have had no problems. It’s something that you need to keep in mind when you do make the move to transition from just training buds to dating.
So there you have it- my two cents on dating in the gym. I wish it was as black and white as, “Don’t date training partners.” If you train actively, you are often times spending more time with your gym mates than your best friend or family. You just don’t have a lot of free time to go out into the normal world and meet “the one.” You build up an incredible level of trust with training partners that you won’t find in normal friendships. Shared schedules, a mutual understanding of why it’s AWESOME to practice foot locks on each other, being okay with wet gis hanging everywhere in the house, knowing that Saturday nights are best spent watching fights and vegging out in pjs- who wouldn’t want to try finding that?
The Guerreiras 